Jon’s Signoff From Episode 200

For those into such things, Jon has kindly(?) shared the full version of his signoff from the 200th episode of Limited Resources. For a peek behind the (admittedly creepy) curtain and into the inner workings of a Loucks-infested brain, read on.

Welcome to the 200th annual limited resources draft day here at the pacific northwest card kingdom draft table. It’s a beautiful day to draft, and drafters of all kinds have shown up to sling spells against the toughest competitors. The players are now sitting down in their seats, clearly nervous for the draft ahead. We’ll be over the shoulder of Marshall “Stinky Britches” Sutcliffe for this draft, assuming his chair manages to hold. The table judge is awaiting the signal from the head judge. He looks ready…any moment now…waiting…waiting…

BANG! And the pack is cracked! Pack one pick one, Stinky Britches is taking his time out of the gate, nothing great in the commons, nothing great in the uncommons, what’s in the paaaack what’s in the paaack OHHHH! and it’s a stinker for stinky in the rare slot!

He takes the green dudrle in the uncommon slot, picks up another solid green card on the second pick, splits into red a little bit, picking up momentum, he checks his signals, looking good, picking up some steam as the first pack comes to a close solidly in RG,

BAM! And they’re into the second pack! This time he’s right to the back…what’s in the paaaack what’s in the paaaack! OH AND IT’S THE BEST MYTHIC IN THE SET! But it’s blue! What is stinky britches going to do in this scenario? Will he set off into the muddy waters of a third color? His father was a mudder, his mother was a mudder, OH AND HE TAKES IT! And it looks like he’s able to follow up with a solid blue uncommon in the second pick

…and oh no! What’s this?! He’s getting cut from the inside! There’s not a single playable red or green card in pick three…or pick four! He’s evenly split ladies and gentlemen! Stinky is riding the dilu horse!

…Oh, and it looks like there’s a jam-up on the other side of the table! We’ve got a jam up! The table judge has hoofed it over, and it looks like somebody miscounted the cards. There’s a missing card in this draft! There’s some yelling, the drafter says neigh and thank the lucky horse shoe, it looks like they were able to rectify this dicey situation.

…and we’re coming along into the home stretch. Speaking of stretching, Britches is going to be reaching for enough playables here in the third pack if he decides to stick to two colors. They’re opening the third pack, looking to the back…

…what’s in the paaaack what’s in the paaaack – oh we’ve got a money rare! We’ve got a money black mythic! Will stinky britches play for the gold or take the side purse? He’s already hurting for playables, you can tell he’s thinking about it, AND HE TAKES THE MYTHIC! He’s galloping off to money town! Luckily it looks like he’s taking a powerful green uncommon in pick two. He’s got a lot of tabling to do here…

…by my count he’s got his twentieth playable now sticking to blue green…there’s his twenty first….oh it’s neck and neck here at the end…and he wiffs in that pack…the crowd is on their feet…escaped with a twenty-second playable there…oh and where’s the twenty third, can he table the twenty third? It would be in this pack…it would be here…

WHAT’S IN THE PAAAACK WHAT’S IN THE PAAAAAAACK IT’S A PLAYABLE! IT’S A PLAYABLE! OH MY GOD LADIES AND GENTLEMENT YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED HISTORY HERE TODAY! STINKY BRITCHES ESCAPES WITH A RESPECTABLE TWO COLOR TWENTY THREE CARD DECK, AND HE WON THE SIDE PURSE! His mother has GOT to be smiling right now.

Thanks for watching another fantastic draft here at the 200th annual limited resources draft day. Quit horsing around and we’ll see you next time!

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